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Ecclesiastes 10:1-3~"Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour. A wise man's heart is at his right hand; but a fool's heart at his left. Yea also, when he that is a fool walketh by the way, his wisdom faileth him, and he saith to every one that he is a fool."
"Dead flies cause the ointment of the apothecary to send forth a stinking savour: so doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour"
I hate flies, but dead ones in certain places is even worse.

1. Apothecary is one that prepares and sells drugs for medicinal purposes, the business now we call druggist, or pharmaceutical chemist.
2. Here is a poetic, proverbial, and very powerful metaphor to emphasize protecting one's reputation, especially so one who is known for wisdom and being in a place of honour.
3. We only wish we had been taught this great lesson while still in our youth. But, yet knowing this all important truth, it is not easy to let this slip and fall into some type of sin whereby we give place for other to speak evil of our name and the God that we serve.

"So doth a little folly him that is in reputation for wisdom and honour"~All it takes is a little folly, just as flies are so small yet cause so much stink if in the apothecary's ointment!
Though God forgives all sins, yet the damage is done, and cannot be reversed! It generally has lasting effect on so many people.
Proverbs 22:1~"A good name is rather to be chosen than great riches, and loving kindness than silver or gold."
Your reputation is an asset far more important than anything you can buy. The respect of others and their affection for you is an asset you should pursue with great zeal. Your character is a precious treasure that you should enhance each day by wise choices.
What do people think, when they hear your name? Do they think graciousness, godliness, diligence, and faithfulness? Is your name sweet to their ears and thoughts? How do they speak of you to others? Are you often praised in your absence? Do others crave your company? Do they want to honor you with affection, gifts, and service?
Or is your name a bitter thought? Do they think harshness, selfishness, stubbornness, pride, moodiness, or indiscretion? Do they try to avoid you? Do they avoid you? When others talk about you, do they have to make excuses for your conduct? Do they pass over you for invitations or assignments, because you are more irritating than pleasing?
You cannot ignore these questions and be wise. Your reputation and relationships are a great measure of your life. Stop and examine your reputation with others. What others think of you is a far more accurate picture of your life than what you think about yourself, for you have an obvious bias to distort facts in your favor, and you have a deceitful heart that is deeply infatuated with yourself (Pr 16:2; 20:6; 21:2; Jer 17:9; Gal 6:3).
Some people are used as well known examples of specific virtues or all virtues. Others are used as examples of poor character and problems. How is your name used? Are you spoken about affectionately and respectfully, or critically and negatively? Many have no outstanding virtues at all, so they pass through life without any honor or favor, which shows a lack of diligence and priority in pursuing godliness and virtue.
What is a good name? It is not your parents’ choice of a distinguished combination of syllables that sounds sophisticated, classy, or pleasant. It is not merely being named after a respected ancestor. Your bare name has no value at all. Solomon used “good name” as a metonym for a good reputation. He exhorted his son to emphasize having a good reputation with God and good men as one of the chief goals of life (Pr 3:4).
What is loving favour here? It is not giving love and favour to others, but rather receiving love and favour from others. It is obtaining affection and respect from other virtuous persons. It is obtaining their acceptance and approval of your life. Of course, reaching such a position requires you to carefully rule your conduct to please others. It requires consistent righteous behavior to hold the esteem and trust of others (Eccl 10:1).
The proverb has an ellipsis, which is missing words that shorten the sentence and give it boldness. The second clause may be read, “And loving favour is to be chosen rather than silver and gold.” These words taken from the first clause are important to fill out the whole sense of the proverb. A comparison and choice is being taught in both clauses.
In each case it is your choice. You can choose a good reputation and the loving approval of others. It is your choice. Both should be a priority. Both are more important than other measures of success. Circumstances or discrimination are excuses for foolish or lazy men who have not properly pursued these important goals. A wise man will pursue both.
What is the lesson? You should put great emphasis on your reputation and relationships. While many men chase financial and professional success with all their might, Solomon exhorted his son to value his reputation and relationships higher than these other goals. He wanted his son to grow in favor with God and men, and he ranked the importance of this achievement as more valuable than great riches (Pr 3:4; I Sam 2:26; Luke 2:52).
How do you measure by Solomon’s lesson? How important is your reputation to you? Is it more important than any amount of money or success? Do you work harder to improve your name than to get ahead financially? How much do you value the esteem and respect of good men? Do you regularly examine your conduct to be without offence? Do you go out of your way to make sure each thing you do is done very well for all concerned?
God measures you by what others think. You cannot please God and offend good men at the same time. It is impossible. If you are pleasing God and keeping His commandments, you will please others (I Sam 18:14-16; I John 5:2). And your family and close friends do not count, for it is your reputation before good men that is the key. You can easily tell a person’s character by the number and kind of friends he has. These facts do not lie.
Of course, others’ opinions are not your only measure, or the most important (John 5:44). But they are a measure. You foolishly deceive yourself to approve your life and conduct, if good men and women have a low regard of you. Joseph and Daniel were highly regarded even as captives in foreign lands by their excellent spirits and blameless lives.
Demetrius had a great name and reputation of the apostles and all men (III John 1:12); Timothy was highly regarded both before and after he met Paul (Acts 16:1-2; Phil 2:19-22). This high measure of a good reputation in the world is a necessary qualification for the bishops of Jesus Christ’s churches (I Tim 3:7). How do you measure up?
A good reputation before the world is possible, but some ungodly men will not appreciate your righteousness (I Thess 4:12; I Pet 2:12; Dan 6:3-5; Luke 6:26). Solomon primarily intended good and wise men, who know the heart and will of God and measure other men by godliness. Compromise or friendship with the world is a trait of sinners (Jas 4:4).
Your opinion of yourself is quite worthless. It is usually contrary to fact. People with good reputations generally think poorly of themselves, which keeps them humble and sensitive to others; but those with bad reputations think themselves quite desirable, leading to offensive arrogance. The difference between humble modesty and self-righteousness is a large part of a good name, which is built on low self-esteem.
Your great goal is to grow in “loving favour” with God and men, as did Samuel and the Lord Jesus Christ (3:4; I Sam 2:26; Luke 2:52). This happens when you keep the two great commandments – love of God and love of neighbor. The “loving favour” of the proverb is how God and others treat you, which you can choose by living a consistent life of godliness and love toward them. An excellent spirit will cause others to love you.
So great are these goals – your reputation and esteem by others – they should exceed any other goal. Men work long days of hard labor for many years to get rich, but building a good name and reputation are more important. If you had a choice between a good reputation and precious ointment, which was of great value in Israel’s very dry climate and provided much personal pleasure, you should choose the good name (Eccl 7:1).
Consider your funeral (Pr 10:7). The memory of just men is blessed, but the name of the wicked shall rot. How will you be remembered? How long will you be remembered? Will your memory bring pleasant thoughts to hearts? Or will most cringe and be relieved? The number of persons, and their character, and their reaction at a funeral say a great deal.
You have two names. Your first name is your personal name, a unique identifier among the billions on earth. How you live and treat others creates the reputation of your first name. God gave you that name at birth with a blank reputation. What have you done with it since? You have either enhanced it or damaged it. With a single word, your name, reactions and thoughts are triggered in others. What are those thoughts?
Your second name is your surname or family name. How your family lives and treats others creates its reputation. Do you promote your family name? Or are you letting it decay? Do others desire to be with your family? Or have they been offended enough to back away? Do others want to marry into your family to obtain an interest in a good name? A good surname takes consistent godliness from many different persons.
David had a great name in the Bible. His name was much set by in Israel (I Sam 16:18; 18:30). Though Saul was king with a princely son, Jonathan and the nation loved David, for he was better than any other (I Sam 18:1-16). Everyone wanted to be with David, be like David, or be married to David. He earned this by being gracious, humble, and wise at all times. God chose this man, though a sinner, as an example of a great name in Israel.
Blessings at Solomon’s coronation included having a name greater than his father David’s name, which was easily the greatest in Israel (I Kings 1:47). Even God compared all later kings to David, and he was described as a man after God’s own heart. What a goal! How do you measure up, reader? Good fathers will want their sons to exceed them in reputation and loving favour, for they will know the many mistakes they have made.
Nabal was the opposite. He was churlish – overbearing, harsh, and difficult (I Sam 25:2). His name meant fool, and even his wife said he was a fool (I Sam 25:25). He was a man of Belial – wicked and profane. The Lord let him think about dying for ten days before killing him, so David could marry his beautiful wife right after his funeral (I Sam 25:39).
Consider Joseph. Though a slave, he earned the loving favour of God and Potiphar by his exemplary conduct (Gen 39:1-6). Though charged with attempted rape, he earned the loving favour of God and the jailor (Gen 39:19-23). Though a long-term prisoner, he earned the loving favour of God and Pharaoh (Gen 41:38-45; Acts 7:10). Anyone who says their circumstances or past have poorly affected their name is just making excuses.
Consider Daniel. Though a captive eunuch from a strange, small country, he earned the loving favour of God and Ashpenaz, the prince of the eunuchs in Babylon (Dan 1:9). Though living a public life for many decades, his enemies could not find a single error or fault by which to accuse him to the king (Dan 6:1-5). What a role model for young men!
What can you do to build your name and reputation and win the loving favour of others?
Everything you do every day contributes toward your reputation and the favour of others. No matter how small or large, the accumulated effect of your words and actions combine to give God and men an appraisal of your character and faithfulness. Therefore, it is your solemn duty and privilege to keep your heart, lips, and feet with all prudent diligence.
Graciousness is the greatest trait for a good name and the loving favour of others, for it can win the friendship of kings and cause women to be always honored (Pr 22:11; 11:16). It is the perfect combination of gentleness, kindness, humility, and cheerfulness that makes men and women charming and delightful. How gracious are you?
Men love those who help build their lives (Pr 27:9,17; Ps 141:3). Are you a tree of life to others (Pr 11:30; 15:4)? Do they benefit by being around you (Pr 9:8; 25:12; 28:23)? Do they seek you for help? Would you help fellow prisoners like Joseph did? Or your captors like Daniel did? Or a lustful king like Esther did? Or many widows like Dorcas did?
Is your speech a healing balm, a sarcastic whip, or a foolish noise? Men love pleasant and good words that are kind, gentle, friendly, and helpful (Pr 12:18; 16:24; 18:21; 25:11). Is your speech always gracious with only a slight saltiness of rebuke to it (Col 4:6)?
Charity never fails! If you learn and apply the fifteen phrases describing true love (I Cor 13:4-7), your name will blossom as a beautiful flower. If your name is not great and your friends are few, it is evidence you have not learned true love. Charity never fails!
Just a little folly can spoil a reputation quickly (Eccl 10:1), so you must avoid even the appearance of evil (I Thess 5:22). And you must quickly make amends for offences (Matt 5:23-24). Ruling your spirit constantly is necessary to stay virtuous (Pr 16:32). Paul took extra measures to make sure he could never be accused of dishonesty (II Cor 8:21).
Warren Buffet, one of the world’s richest men and well received most anywhere, knows the wisdom of this proverb. He teaches others, “It takes twenty years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you will do things differently.”
John D. Rockefeller, one of the wealthiest men in human history, said, “The most important thing for a young man is to establish a credit – a reputation, character.” He also said, “Next to doing the right thing, the most important thing is to let people know you are doing the right thing.” This latter idea agrees well with Paul (Ro 12:17; II Cor 8:21).
If you are young, you have an advantage. Your reputation is still being formed, and you should apply yourself with all diligence to make it the very best before God and men. If you are young, you have not made as many mistakes as older persons, meaning you have less to live down. Choose today to make this proverb a high goal and live according to it.
Have you blown your reputation already? Do you think it is too late? It is never too late, if you will repent before God, confess your sins to him, confess your faults to others, and make amends or restitution for any wrongs you have done. David recovered his reputation after terrible sins, and so did Zacchaeus and Peter (Luke 19:1-9; Gal 2:9).
Your name and reputation are daily choices, and you should choose to build them and preserve them more than any other project or goal. You can change your name and reputation, so consider it a blessed privilege, duty, and a high priority for your life. Rather than emphasizing exercise, diet, and sleep to build your body, which has little value to God or men, exercise yourself unto godliness and loving others (I Tim 4:7).
Husband, do you love your wife enough to help build her name and loving favour with others? Parent, do you understand the importance of this proverb as a goal for your children? Diligent efforts should be made every day to make sure your family name and that of each family member is clear of offence. What a wonderful family objective!
If you have taken the name of Jesus Christ as a Christian, it is important that your name and reputation give honor to your religion and its Leader (II Tim 2:19). Be like those of Pentecost, who grew in favor with all the people (Acts 2:47; Phil 2:14-16). Let your life adorn the doctrine of God with glory and beauty (Titus 2:5,8,10). Be like those nameless brethren endorsed by Paul as “the glory of Christ” (II Cor 8:23).
Jesus of Nazareth grew in favour with God and men during his youth (Luke 2:52). He was most gracious in conduct and speech (Ps 45:2; Luke 4:22). Because He loved righteousness and hated wickedness, God’s loving favour blessed Him with the oil of gladness above His fellows (Heb 1:9). His name is above every name by many measures. Choose to have a perfect name, even as His name is perfect in heaven and in earth. ( J. R. Crosby a friend of mine )

So I'm barely scraping by and been trying to avoid going down bankruptcy, but I'm at the point that within the next month or so I'll have to default on something.
The only reason I haven't already is because one of my creditors is my credit union. When it was first opened it was opened as a student account with my aunt co-signing.
Since then it's been swapped to an normal adult account, but I believe my aunt is still somehow tied to it. She too has a separate account of her own through the same credit union.
I know that credit unions often have it that they can go after other accounts if you default on any of their other accounts. My concern is that they try and go after my aunt if I file for either 7 or 13.
My current debt just to them is $4,000ish so it's on the lower end of my debt, but my aunt is disabled and her only income is from her early retirement her disability checks.
I'm assuming they'd still would go after her for it.

Had an incident where a weird dormant Cisco device bug affecting a few versions reared it's ugly head after we made a change which caused at least 1 production device to begin repeatedly reloading.
I kind of want to take on a side project to leverage some Cisco API to identify potential bugs related to upcoming changes across a large array of platforms and IOS/NX/XR versions. So I guess this post is for one of two things.... has anyone done anything similar to deal with one-off bugs that would be hard to identify in a lab environment before changes, and 2.... is there a solid Cisco API that I could parse against a keyword or software function (eg: BGP, SNMP, etc) and a list of device types/versions to try and proactively identify these types of issues? I'll be using Python, but language/nuances don't matter too much as I know not everyone here is super familiar with code.... more looking for if anyone knows manual methods or data sources/api's they've leveraged in the past that I can put code to in order to make a web front end that does these checks for us prior to changes.
Thanks for any info!

Looking for advice from landlords, leasing agents from apartment complexes...folks who have moved to a new state with no job waiting for them. I am planning a move from Virginia to Florida. Main question to landlords/leasing agents is, if I am an out of state applicant, you only check for proof of employment during the application process, correct? I would be employed at my current job in Virginia...and I would not resign until the day I get in the car and physically relocate...or resign a few days after I relocate. I would not have a job waiting for me in Florida. But I would be employed with my current company until 72 hours before I move into the apartment. If you want context read below, if not please just consider the main question of proof of income/employment during lease approval
I'm a recruiter (talent acquisition specialist), masters degree, 20 years work experience...so I know hiring out of state with intent to relocate is a far shot-I delete those applications constantly. In fact I would only consider them if my company couldn't find local talent-it always can. This includes remote/telework. If you can't meet the residency requirement-delete. While I will pray for a dream scenario, I am not making solid plans on waiting for a job offer out of state. When I physically make the move, I will have 6 months living expenses in saving, (12k), a monthly income of $1,300 before taxes (VA disability), and a 720 credit score, 6 years of being a homeowner, twice, with a never late payment. squeaky clean background & credit report. My plan is to

1. secure apartment out of state after house is sold
   
   1. resign on a Friday, drive to Florida that weekend move into apartment by Monday (11 hr drive)
   2. pray and pray and pray company will allow me to work remotely in Florida until they find replacement for me onsite and this will last 30-60 days. That miracle will solve all my problems!! I can absolutely do my job remotely, but so can other flex remote recruiters,
   3. once I get in Florida, if current company doesn't retain me past Friday, find a new job asap (approximate it will take me 30-60 days to find new position....job market for recruiters in Jacksonville is booming)
   4. live in apartment for a year while house hunting...live happily ever after in eternal summer ( I lived in Jacksonville twice while on active duty....loved it to death)
   5. potential idea that I am considering but feel guilty about...not resigning my from my job until after I have moved, be on PTO for a week while moving, resign from Florida. Thoughts? Its dirty, but they have tons of FLEX recruiters that could fill while they looked, or they could keep me as remote. I will of course formally request to be transferred to a remote recruiter position months before I love and pray for a miracle...but in the event they just cant promise me a position ever (hard to come by)

My boyfriend and I have been together a little over 1.5 years. It had been our plan to move in together for the past year. After applying to our first place, we were quickly denied. This was weird because I have good credit and the rent would have actually been cheaper (in total) than I was paying on my own.
Come to find out he has terrible credit and his finances are not at all in a good place. I’ve also found out he was ignoring credit card payments to the point where they garnished his wages, he owes friends money (no idea who, or how much), and he recently had his phone shut off for about a week for not paying his bill.
I’ve been through some credit card debt issues when I was about 22. I finally had them consolidated and paid off around the time I was 24, so it makes me really angry he is so much older than me, but so much more irresponsible. I worked REALLT hard to get through that on my own, and honestly, I don’t want to have to work that hard (for something that’s not even mine) again.
I’m not stupid, I know you don’t just miss a payment for two and end up with your wages being garnished. I see how he lives his life, and there’s no reason he should be going out to eat, drink, etc and ignoring payments.
Anywho.. I ended up getting a place that I qualified for on my own with the intention he would move in a month after me (to give his current roommate time to figure things out). I told him since he’s not on the lease and I’d really appreciate him talking to a financial counseloadvisor and figuring out a game plan before he moves in.
I was really blunt with him yesterday and I’m almost feeling guilty (almost). I told him I’m in a place where buying a house and getting married are real goals and expectations and I’m not going to waste my time with someone who doesn’t have the same goals. I told him I am not going to have a partner that I can’t call during an emergency because he didn’t pay his phone bill. If he can’t even get approved to go halfsies on a place (that I got approved for BY MYSELF), what is a real expectation?
Has anyone been through something like this? What are the right questions to ask or major dos and don’ts?

Hi, I just wanted to write this because I was struggling badly with heart anxiety/cardiophobia. At the time it felt like there would never be a way out and I was going to die of a cardiac episode very soon.
I want to reassure the people struggling with this specific type of anxiety and show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For me it all started last year after I experienced left arm numbness (due to panic attack but didn’t know at the time) and I called an ambulance because I was convinced that was it, I was dying. This was the start of a vicious cycle for me, from that day onwards I started getting daily palpitations & chest pain. I had visited the hospital emergency department(a&e) multiple times and even daily at one point. They did multiple tests and reassured me I was okay. It started to make me feel as though I was crying out for help no one was listening and I WAS going to die. They referred me to cardiology where they did an Echo& 48 hour holter. Both resulted came back remarkable NAD detected.
Of course this wasn’t enough for me, because I KNEW I was going to die and my heart wasn’t healthy (so I thought). It got to the point where I’d end up in the resuscitation part of the hospital because I’d panic so bad my heart went to 190bpm which was again confirmed as anxiety. I wasn’t living, I was solely waking up to worry I was going to die that day, everyday.
Early this year it got to the point I realised physically and mentally I cannot do it anymore. Checking my pulse everyday and worrying I’ll go into cardiac arrest suddenly wasn’t living at all. I read somewhere that doing things that make you anxious over and over makes you feel more comfortable and it becomes easier. So I started looking after myself more & trying to be more active… I’m not 100% heart anxiety free but I’m slowly getting there. Worrying 24/7 won’t prevent something happening to you, it’ll just ruin the life and happiness you currently have. That was a hard thing for me to learn and get over but it’s true. In order for me to be able to do things without worrying every second I had to realise this isn’t healthy and it won’t prevent a cardiac event if anything the lifestyle it caused would’ve probably made it more likely.
Do the things that scare you or create your anxiety, it’ll make you so happy to be able to say ‘I beat that and chose freedom’.
This doesn’t go to say if you are worried don’t get checked out, it’s better to be safe. But if you’re like me & you’ve had the tests and reassurance then this is probably the post for you.
If anyone is struggling with this I’m more then happy to chat:)

I’m 22 about to get my first permanent job and I want to know where I should house my savings so that they grow and allow me to make big life purchases down the road like a house/caetc. I have great credit (800ish) and a solid stock portfolio that I use to experiment and take on risk (not for savings). I’ll also contribute up to my employer match on an IRA. I identified a few options that will grow my savings the quickest and help me outpace inflation:
-High yield savings or checking account. It looks like if I do this through a credit union I can get up to 4% a year if I meet certain requirements. I’ve also seen talk about money market accounts but I’m not sure of the differences.
-ETF or REIT investment. A mixture of REITs seem like they provide growth and good dividends over several years, but I’m not sure how ETF investments are better or worse, just seems the same as investing in a blue chip or the market as a whole.
-CDs and bonds. These seem super safe (and FDIC insured) and I’m fine with locking my funds in one of these for a few years, but I’m not sure if this is a good time or what rates look like. I think CD ladders are an interesting option too.
Liquidity: I won’t need to access these funds for 5+ years. I’ll contribute a portion of my paycheck consistently and withdraw some (but not all) when I want to make large life purchases in my late 20s/30s and leave some as funds for retirement.
Risk: I’m okay with moderate risk. I have a higher risk stock portfolio and I’ll have a low risk IRA for retirement stuff. I’m searching for mid-term savings options (but it would be great if this investment would be useful in retirement planning too).
Based on my goals, I’m still deciding which (or which combination) of these would be best for me, and I though this would be a good place to ask which would provide the best yields. Thanks!

Yeah, as the title says, I've lost a lot of subs over the last 2 months. I have no idea what has changed. I've thought that maybe I was leaked but I don't know how to find that out. I haven't changed the content I make or the ways that I advertise.
I usually have about 120 paid subs, and around 93 with recurring subs on.
I now have 75 paid subs, and 44 recurring.
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However, I want to turn this into a positive thing. I've decided to not prioritize OF so much. Instead, trying to put more effort into Sextpanther, Fansly, PH, ManyVids, and honestly other 'side hustles' not related to sw at all. I also want to explore other niches that I've been too scared to try because I know my current subs wouldn't really be into them (I've done a lot of polls). I've also been wanting to raise my prices and I've been scared about doing that too because I feel like I'd just lose a lot of people. But I dedicate SO much time to doing this, I have a lot of content available, and I want to place a better value on my worth I guess.
I've also fallen into this vicious cycle of "what's wrong with me, why don't I get the same appreciation," "why not me," "am I going to meet my $ goal this month," etc. I would obsessively check on my OF multiple times through the day and get very disappointed to no messages and no new $ coming in. It has turned into something very unhealthy and unrealistic. Constantly feeling worried and anxious about money and attention.
It has been very difficult coping with this very sudden loss, and hard to keep my chin up. I want to turn this into something positive and I just really hope that I can.
Sorry for the vent and giant text wall, I guess I'm just looking for some outside encouragement or other words of advice.
I want to be more of myself and less of who I let myself become just to get subs.

Sirens.
The darkness accompanies the sharp bursts of noise cutting through the air. Rumbling is present below on the ground. Everything is murky, blurred, disjointed.
Muffled voices start to speak and conversate from afar. The sound of a door snapping open can be heard. The voices continue to talk, replacing the sirens as they die out within another minute. Footsteps can be heard… and another door opens. Suddenly… the sensation of falling, tumbling, crashing down is overwhelming, too much to handle, everything sucked into the vat of nothingness.
Sirens.
×××
[Soundtrack: nightmares by izaya tiji](https://youtu.be/NoQ0mCVyrAQ)
Travis Crowley’s eyelids slowly unwind, sinking back into the depths of his face. The eyes peek out, his vision blurry as he regains consciousness. Head hurting like the dickens, he groans, taking his time reanimating. The DeadStar comes back to life, his body creaking as he moves for the first time in a while. As soon as he tries to sit up, he’s met by a hand to the chest, pressing him back down to where he was before. Confused, a nervous Travis tries to get up again, only to be forced back down. With his eyes adjusting to the light, voices have to ring out when it’s clear Travis is still out of his element. Travis finally starts to make out a figure just a foot away, sitting right beside him as they look toward someone else. The King of The Fall notices the afro quickly.
“Ramona-”
“Shh- I am so glad you’re back. Things have just been so hectic lately, i just-”
“Dizzi?”
Ramona turns and touches foreheads with Travis, softly pushing him back into the depths of bed once again. He winces as she rubs his head, confused as to why it hurts so much. She kisses him goodbye, before hugging Dizzi and telling them both she’ll be back. Ramona leaves, and Travis lets his head flop back as Dizzi pulls up a chair, Travis recognizes the room, realizing he’s back in Calabasas.
“Well, Travis. Looks like you’ve been staying busy”
Travis rolls his eyes, his friend smirking as she gets off the subtle shot at him. The DeadStar rolls over, finding and grabbing his phone off the nightstand. He checks the clock and stretches, seeing that it’s ten in the morning. He rubs his temples, feeling the headache come in even stronger than before.
“How has Sweden been?”
“Oh the usual. High fashion snobs and wannabe models. Not much different from what we got back at home.”
Travis smiles through his head pain, recalling his trip to Sweden a couple years back. What started out as a simple business trip to promote Obscuur Refurunces turned into an opportunity for Dizzi, and Travis was the first to suggest accepting.
“I guess that means you’re more qualified to run the brand than I am?”
“Oh please, let’s not go that far… I see what you’ve been up to, teasing those samples on Instagram. You've been working on something?”
“Maybe… I’ll show you later though. When did you get back to the States?”
“Studying abroad gets old after about nine months. Been trying to figure out when to take holiday, then poof. I get a call from Ramona, suddenly I need to pay respects to a friend as they lie on their deathbed…”
“Interesting way to say it…”
“You’ve got an interesting way to live life, bud…”
Travis sees the look in Dizzi’s eyes change. He sighs as she leans in, knowing the speech that’s going to ensue. The DeadStar grimaces as Dizzi locks eyes with him, already aware of what’s next. But suddenly, he feels another flash of pain in his head, in pure agony as he grabs at his temples. Dizzi’s face turns to one of concern, checking on Travis as he breaks a sweat trying to tough through it.
“What the Hell happened?”
“Y-you don’t know?”
Travis looks at her, his expression a mix of pain, frustration, and confusion. She looks back at him, quickly shaking the stumped look off her face. She quickly stands up, and walks away from the bed, turning toward the window.
“Dizzi what happened?”
“It doesn’t matter…”
“What do you MEAN it doesn’t matter???”
“Look, all that matters right now is that you rest, get better, and just stay safe. Everything else you can worry about later. And those are words I got from Ramona herself.”
Travis feels the pain in currents, using the opportunity of it subsiding to get moving. He sits up, swinging a leg out from under the covers. He sits there for a minute, ignoring as Dizzi shoots a glance at him every once in a while, masking it by tidying up the room. Travis wipes his eyes, trying to push through the pain. He’s wearing black shorts and a white shirt, socks keeping his feet protected from the cold hardwood floor. He lays back sideways on the bed, taking everything in.
“Are you okay, you need anything?”
Sirens.
“Ah man… lemme uh…”
Sirens.
“Could you pick up some donuts?”
“Sure, I could DoorDash some, maybe Krispy Kre-”
“Ah, actually. I was hoping to get them from that local place?”
“Local place?”
“You know, the local place. The place all three of us go to!”
“... Frankie’s?”
“Yeah, that’s the place. They got special flavors, let’s get a dozen from there!”
“How is that local, isn’t it like an hour away from here?”
“You can take my car!”
Travis smiles through the head pain, feeling it at excruciating levels at this point. The DeadStar questions if this will be the death of him as he grins at Dizzi, his expression backing her into a corner as she reluctantly agrees to go make a pastry run. Grabbing the keys off the hook on the bedroom wall, she waves Travis goodbye before leaving out the front door. Travis takes a deep breath, before standing up out of bed, rubbing his temple yet again as he takes a couple steps forward, He looks down at the view below, watching from the window as Dizzi opens the garage door. Travis makes sure he can’t be seen as she drives the car out from the garage and down the hill, soon disappearing from the mess of land altogether. Travis leans against the windowsill, taking in the view for a couple minutes. Getting his thoughts together, he grabs his phone, sitting down on the edge of the bed. Part of him doesn’t even want to open it. Part of him doesn’t want to find out what the Hell happened, how he ended up on his deathbed like how Dizzi described. But he pushes ahead, unlocking in with his fingerprint and immediately being blasted with a headline that sends a shiver down his spine.
“FBE Recap: Ethan Fadley Attacks Travis Crowley… Leaves Firestorm 118 without a Main Event!”
Travis’ eye twitches, noticing the thumbnail accompanying the headline. Ethan Fadley holding up the Intercontinental Championship, a crazed look in his eye. Dark blue strap in his grip as he makes a grab for the camera in the picture. Slowly, Travis pieces it together, all while the pain returns in his head, stinging like the dickens as he closes his phone. He makes his way over to the closet, trading in the shorts for some jeans and slipping into some Vans. Throwing a random shirt over his shoulder, he stuffs a travel bag full of random toiletries and clothes, and grabs his phone off the bed in a hurry, making a call as he jets out the door.
“Hello?”
“Ape!”
“Yo, what’s going on man? You good, you alright?”
“Doing fine. What happened after the show?”
“Conor had Irish police escort the ambulance to the hospital. We all got airlifted back to LA. I wanted to drive up and stay with you guys while you got better… didn’t feel right though.”
“Please tell me you’re still out here…”
“Yeah, I've been hiding out. Wanted to wait till you were up and awake before I made the next move. Crenshaw Inn Motel.”
“I’m there”
Travis keeps Ape on the phone as he walks into the garage, swinging his leg over his chopper, only to feel woozy from just doing that. The head pain is too much, shooting out to every inch and corner of Travis’ mind, keeping him off his game. Shaking his head in a desperate attempt to regain balance, he slowly slides off the motorcycle, leaning against it and breathing hard as Ape checks up on him.
“Matter fact, uh… I might get a cab”
“I’ll come to you then, I’ll have them pick you up, we’ll grab breakfast and talk.”
“Bet, thanks bro.”
Travis sits in the driveway, waiting for his friend to arrive in the cab. Worried that Dizzi or Ramona might show up before Ape and intercept him, he’s relieved to get a call from his best friend and see a yellow cab pulling up in front of the house. Travis slips on the shirt and jumps into the backseat, dapping up Ape as they quickly speed off from the scene.
×××
“Where are you, Travis?”
“I’m fine, everything is okay, Ramon-”
“I didn’t ask you that, Travis. Tell me where you are”
“That’s not important right n-”
“Travis, PLEASE don’t tell me you’re going back on tour for Firestorm, please”
“... I need to take care of this. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Trav-”
Soundtrack: losing my mind by izaya tiji
Crenshaw Inn Motel - May 25th, 2023 - 11:38 AM
Travis hangs up the phone, putting it on silent just in case Ramona or Dizzi call again. The DeadStar looks out the window of the motel, playing with the blinds as he watches city slickers make their way past his view. Sitting on one of the double beds is Ape, opening a box of delicacies from Frankie’s Donut Palace. Biting into an eclair, he suggests they get some air, opening the mini fridge and opening a can of pop. Travis takes one more look out the window, before turning around, facing the pastries now. Seeing a bear claw in the corner, he picks it up, taking his first bite of the day as Ape checks his phone. Travis makes his way out of the motel room, Ape saying he had to make a call before he joined him.
Travis stands in the parking lot of the motel, finishing off the bear claw in one hand with a joint in the other. Looking down at himself, he realizes that he’s got his shirt on inside out. Moving to fix it the right way, the DeadStar suddenly scowls and stops, seeing a familiar design. The REVOLT Summer World Tour from the year before sold out immediately, becoming a legendary piece of FBE memorabilia after its limited run. Now it’s just a bad memory for the King of The Fall. Travis shakes his head in annoyance, pulling from the joint as Ape closes the motel room door behind him. Together, they stand in silence, leaning against the beams supporting the roof covering the motel walkways. The pain creeps in, making a return as Travis starts to see red for a completely different reason.
“He almost ended my career…”
“I know…”
Sirens.
“He left me bloody… he left STEEZ bloody… he ruined everything...”
“I know…”
Sirens.
“I stepped aside for this motherfucker, not once, but TWICE. I let him be big dog. I put my glory to the side for HIM. Because that was MY BROTHER. And he…”
“I know…”
Sirens.
Travis has a thousand yard stare on his face, the pain fighting him on the inside as he carries no expression. Clenching his jaw, he takes a deep breath, waiting as it subsides. He pulls up his phone and immediately pulls up tickets to Scotland. Ape, looking over his shoulder in curiosity, looks at Travis in shock.
“Dude, you’re going to Firestorm???”
“I’m getting my title back. And I’m ripping Ethan’s fucking head off.”
“Bro-”
“Don’t tell me you didn’t expect me to do this.”
Ape looks at Travis, worried. Travis stares hard, doing his best to pull a stone-like expression on his face. The Infinity Ace sighs, nodding as he understands that there’s no going back after what has happened between Ethan and the rest of what used to be REVOLT. He throws an arm around Travis, leading him back in the motel room, gathering both their bags.
“...Get me a ticket.”
×××
St. Andrews Golf Club, Scotland - May 26th, 2023 - 9:32 PM
“Jesus Christ, where the fuck is he, man?”
“Just give him a second, bro. He’ll be here. I know he’ll be here. By the way, how’s your head?”
Travis and Ape stand outside a side door of St. Andrews Golf Club, waiting for a bit of help from an inside man. Ape dialed up Code Blue asking for help getting into the prestigious golf club with the show already in progress. Now, it’s just up to him to get Highly Suspect in. Travis paces back and forth as they wait for what feels like an eternity, only for Blue to suddenly appear, waving them in. Ape smiles, but an irritated Travis rolls his eyes.
“Is the show over? Wouldn’t be surprised since it took so damn long.”
“Oh, c’mon Travis. I was on the other side of the building. Had to rush getting over here. You know, I got my own match to prepare for too, right? I got priorities just like everyone else."
“Shut the fuck up, Blue”
“You better watch your fucking mouth,”
“I will slap the shit out of-”
“I’m not afraid of you, Travis. Don’t you ever get that confused…”
Blue, who was walking along with everyone else through the hall, suddenly stops and locks eyes with Travis. Not budging, he stares down the King of The Fall, who stares back at him with venom and anger. Ape gets in between them, Travis grabbing onto Ape as he yells at Blue.
“Motherfucker, you think this is about fear? I don’t give a FUCK if you’re afraid of me, I’ll change that if I WANT! Back up-
“Stop, STOP! BOTH OF YOU!”
“Ah, screw this-”
Travis darts around Ape, shoving past Code Blue and doing the dash down the hall. Ape calls after Travis, beginning to race after him when he realizes it’s no use using words. Crowley crashes Guerrilla and busts through the curtain, racing down the aisle as the crowd yell out in shock. Travis slides into the ring and blasts the special guest announcer, taking his mic as the audience fully explodes once they realize who’s back. With the pain and shadows overloading his senses, Travis powers through as he runs his hand through his hair.
“SCOTLAND! REVEAL THE JUDAS! REVEAL THE TRAITOR! I WANT ETHAN FADLEY! I WANT MY TITLE BACK, AND I WANT THE HEAD OF THE SON OF ROSES!”
Travis looks down at the announcer, decked out in the dark green suit yelling at him about the main event being in a few minutes. The DeadStar says he doesn’t give a damn, claiming he’ll stay in this ring all night until Ethan comes back with his Intercontinental Championship.
“I don’t think you understand what this is. This is FBE. And what a nigga like me says, is what GOES. BRING ME FADLEY.”
The announcer gets back to his feet, shocked at the audacity. He tells off Travis, asking him if he knows who he is, ONLY TO GET HIT WITH A SSWEET CHIN MUSIC! HOLY FUCK! Travis stares down at the dark green suit tumbling through the ropes as Ape suddenly appears by him, grabbing and telling him they need to go. Travis rips himself free, and grips the ropes, repeating what he said, demanding Ethan Fadley. And speak of the Devil…
… Who else joins them but the Son of Roses. Noticeably without the Intercontinental Championship, Ethan smiles as Travis seemingly gets more rowdy and unhinged, Ape unable to contain the DeadStar. Mic in hand, the former best friend of Highly Suspect asks how exactly they got into the show so late. Ape tries to tell off Ethan while Travis begins to lose control, but it’s no use. Ethan continues to talk, saying regardless of how they pulled it off, he’s glad they’re here to witness the Aether Aces rule yet another night. After last week’s conquest, it’s time for Inferno to embarrass Code Blue and walk out, still World Champion.
“But you didn’t come for that… did you, Cowboy?”
Ethan smirks as Travis trembles with anger, unable to even listen to or recognize Ape trying to hold him back. Fadley knows he’s pushing his former friend to the edge.
“No… I know what you came for… the first challenger for none other than the NEW INTERCONTINENTAL CHAMPION… BESTOWED UPON HIM BY HIS FELLOW AETHER ACES… THE HOMETOWN HERO, JAY CASTLE!”
Travis freezes as Jay Castle enters, holding up the Intercontinental Championship in all its glory. Crowley’s pride and joy. After seeing the collapse of REVOLT from a TV screen, falling off the map of relevancy. Only to crawl back, and become Grand Slam Intercontinental Champion. It was all Travis had left. And they TOOK that from him. The King of The Fall locks eyes with Jay Castle, only to get pulled away by Ethan’s words yet again.
“And if you weren’t up to date with the news, Cowboy? Not only has Jay Castle dethroned you for the Intercontinental Championship… he’s going to kill your World Championship aspirations, by knocking you out full stop, FIRST ROUND of the Heyman Classic.”
Travis and Ape take in the news, staring down Jay Castle and Ethan as they reach ringside. With the crowd bursting with energy, and tension rising with every second, Travis sinks into the pain and madness, shoving Ape out of the way as he charges, leaping out to the Aether Aces without a care in the world…
… And that’s when the DeadStar snaps…
Sirens.

I have never had a baby loss or miscarriage, and I hope this post isn’t insensitive to that. We did struggle with fertility which has led to this pregnancy being very stressful—I am trying so hard not to think of the worst case of late term stillbirth or birth complications. Last night I was having contractions (probs Braxton Hicks) but all I could think about was checking baby’s movement for signs of distress. I think my anxiety is going to keep me from laboring well when the time comes.
I know terrible things happen that are out of my control, but I just need to hear some success stories to break the cycle in my mind that my pregnancy is doomed to fail.

Hi, I just wanted to write this because I was struggling badly with heart anxiety/cardiophobia. At the time it felt like there would never be a way out and I was going to die of a cardiac episode very soon.
I want to reassure the people struggling with this specific type of anxiety and show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For me it all started last year after I experienced left arm numbness (due to panic attack but didn’t know at the time) and I called an ambulance because I was convinced that was it, I was dying. This was the start of a vicious cycle for me, from that day onwards I started getting daily palpitations & chest pain. I had visited the hospital emergency department(a&e) multiple times and even daily at one point. They did multiple tests and reassured me I was okay. It started to make me feel as though I was crying out for help no one was listening and I WAS going to die. They referred me to cardiology where they did an Echo& 48 hour holter. Both resulted came back remarkable NAD detected.
Of course this wasn’t enough for me, because I KNEW I was going to die and my heart wasn’t healthy (so I thought). It got to the point where I’d end up in the resuscitation part of the hospital because I’d panic so bad my heart went to 190bpm which was again confirmed as anxiety. I wasn’t living, I was solely waking up to worry I was going to die that day, everyday.
Early this year it got to the point I realised physically and mentally I cannot do it anymore. Checking my pulse everyday and worrying I’ll go into cardiac arrest suddenly wasn’t living at all. I read somewhere that doing things that make you anxious over and over makes you feel more comfortable and it becomes easier. So I started looking after myself more & trying to be more active… I’m not 100% heart anxiety free but I’m slowly getting there. Worrying 24/7 won’t prevent something happening to you, it’ll just ruin the life and happiness you currently have. That was a hard thing for me to learn and get over but it’s true. In order for me to be able to do things without worrying every second I had to realise this isn’t healthy and it won’t prevent a cardiac event if anything the lifestyle it caused would’ve probably made it more likely.
Do the things that scare you or create your anxiety, it’ll make you so happy to be able to say ‘I beat that and chose freedom’.
This doesn’t go to say if you are worried don’t get checked out, it’s better to be safe. But if you’re like me & you’ve had the tests and reassurance then this is probably the post for you.
If anyone is struggling with this I’m more then happy to chat:)

Hi, I’m currently exploring evolution after having been brought up as a YEC in a Baptist family. I’m considering reading some of Richard Dawkins’ books (just saw an amazing video in which he explains how the evolution of the eye is not “irreducibly complex”), but noticed this critical review on the Amazon page for his book The Greatest Show on Earth: The Evidence for Evolution. As I’m very new to all this, I can’t really make heads or tails of whether this reviewer’s arguments are in any way valid, or totally fallacious. So, I was curious if anyone here more knowledgable than myself on the subject might have any thoughts/could help me out? I just don’t want to go from believing one thing (which I now think is likely false) straight to believing another, without adequately exploring it and any potentially-valid arguments from its detractors. Thanks.
​

Greatest Show on Earth: Issues
The reason expositors of Darwinian theory like Dawkins cannot convince independent thinkers that the theory is believable is that they do not address the important questions. They prefer instead to demolish over and over again the straw man of the denial of evolution. Evolution is a fact, but the explanation of the how of evolution is, in my opinion, not. In Darwin's theory of evolution, natural selection is the explanation of the how of evolution. This theory within a theory leaves so many basic questions unanswered that it is not credible. The review, then, is about the gaps in the theory of natural selection, or what I refer to as important questions not addressed. A couple of points about this review. First, this book is as much a defense of Darwinian theory as it is of evolution. So there is much about that theory in this review. Second, the review is written as if evolutionary-developmental biology (evo-devo) does not exist. That omission is not something the reviewer can remedy.
Important question not addressed (IQNA) 1: the nature of variation: the size of variants. Although Darwin devotes three chapters in Origin to the subject of variation, Dawkins, like almost every other writer (an exception is Kirshchner and Gerhart with their Plausibility of life) has nothing to say about variation, other than that it is random. Variation and selection are the concepts that are the alpha and omega of Darwinian theory. This same theory that Dawkins touts as the most important in biology has one of its two pillars explained in one word, random. And in a word that has several dictionary definitions.
Consider the meaning of random: unpredictable, haphazard, yielding different outcomes under identical conditions. Chance is another term that is used in the present regard. But all of this tells us little. It tells us nothing about the size of variants or about the quantity of the variability. Let's consider size. Are variants itty bitty things, or are they or may they be "chunks." Darwin was steadfast that variants (what we today would call the phenotypic effects of mutation) are imperceptibly small. "Insensibly fine" was probably his favorite phraseology in the present regard. But to leave no doubt, he also (1st ed. Origin) used "infinitesimally small." It is important whether variation is small or large. Size affects the speed of evolution and its perceptibility. If variant size is small, this explains why we cannot see evolution unfolding before our eyes, why it may be like the hour hand of a clock. Small variants are convenient to the Darwinian theorist because they seem to deal with the issue of how new variants are formed. Who will be so uncharitable as to begrudge Darwin the sudden appearance of an insensibly fine variation that accretes something useful to what already exists in the organism? For it is another matter when variation is large. For example, if someone claimed that a full-blown wing or even a full blown feather had appeared suddenly as the result of mutation, the general reaction would be that of incredulity. "How is it possible for dumb molecules to do this?" people would wonder. There would be general disbelief. Insensibly fine variants are congruent with Darwin's thinking because the phenomenon seems consistent with a naturalistic explanation of phenomena, which kind of explanation was Darwin's goal. Large variants betoken guidance, direction, constraint, not a naturalistic process unless it is a most peculiar such process.
Dawkins goes along with Darwin's position that variants are always small, despite the fact that examples of mega-mutations pepper his book. Not to mention that everyone knows about large mutational leaps, even Darwin. Darwin and Dawkins tell us that the large change effected by artificial selection often come about not by the the tedious accumulation of insensibly fine variants over a long period of time, but by the sudden appearance of sports. What happens is that there is the sudden appearance of a "sport," maybe monstrous size or the opposite. The breeder uses the "monster" to breed the great dane. By taking advantage of these saltational changes, it was possible to create the basset hound. Dawkins tells the reader about the gene that is responsible for both the basset hound and dwarfism in humans. And tumbling in tumbler pigeons and pointing in pointers, these are mutant characteristics that suddenly appeared. No animal breeder, Darwin tells us would have ever thought of producing such characteristics if they were not already apparent in nature.
In the same vein, who doesn't by now know that if you expose fruit flies to a mutagen, you can cause a leg to grow out of the head instead of antenna? This, by the way, is a mutation also commonly found in nature. And there are numerous other examples of saltatory mutations in flies. There's an eyeless gene whose mutant form is the absence of eyes, a tinman gene whose mutant form is a highly anomalous heart. You can go on and on and on. Of course, there is blue eye color vs. brown in humans and as in Mendel's, research smooth vs. wrinkled seeds, and on and on. One wonders whether there are any micro mutations that we do know about?! So why this continued drum beat about variation being insensibly fine? Can it be that large, perceptible mutations, like antenna in the wrong place, are inexplicable and that they betoken, if not demonstrate, variation that is not random? One must wonder why he cannot get a straight answer about the size of variants (i.e., mutations) from biology. One must also wonder how Darwin can talk about the accumulation of insensibly small changes when he himself adduces so much evidence that nature produces huge amount of variation that is saltatory, large sudden changes in organisms. Does he not see the contradiction? Ditto for Dawkins. And not unimportantly, does not the huge evidence for saltatory variation, to use Darwin's own phraseology, "annihilate" his theory?
IQNA 2: Where does variation come from, especially the insensibly fine variation? And how does successive variation accumulate to change an organ or organism? The Darwinian idea or ideal is that there is a pool of insensibly fine variants in an interbreeding group that provides the raw material for natural selection. Darwin referred to this variation as individual differences. Suppose the finches with large beaks are more successful in producing progeny than those with smaller beaks. The next generation will have on the average larger beaks than the previous one. Not only that, but the variants that are produced by the next generation will be on the average larger. The distribution of differences will have been moved upwards. If living conditions remain unchanged, the larger beaks of the new generation will produce an increased number of progeny. In this way, the beak will get larger over successive generations. This is the main way, for Darwin, for evolution to occur--small modifications over many successive generations accumulating to produce large change.
But where do these important variants that differ insensibly from that of the parent's come from. You read a lot about mutations that produce large, saltatory change (e.g., the gene for PKU, for hemophilia, etc.), but not about those that produce the insensibly fine change. Dawkins credits all variation to mutation, but he furnishes no detail--does he mean the insensibly fine modifications are mutations, too?. Without an explanation of the origin of insensibly fine modifications, the theory is (as Darwin would say) "fatally" incomplete.
And just how do slight modifications accumulate? There are so many scenarios one can imagine, it is bewildering. I'll illustrate with one. Simultaneously, 100 (or any number of members of the same species pass the same mutation on to an offspring. This can go on day after day even hour after hour. You instantly have, after only the first round, 100 strains of the species. At the same time, a second mutation is being passed on to a different 100 offspring. I ask the question that Darwin himself asked (Origin): "Why is not all nature in confusion instead of the species being as we see them, well defined?" In another place, he asks: "Why are not all organic beings blended into an inextricable chaos?" I am unpersuaded by Darwin's answer, and Dawkins does not address the matter.
And finally on this matter of how mutations accumulate. Take the creature that is an incipient giraffe. It passes a mutation for (insensibly fine) elongated neck to an offspring. This same kind of thing is going to happen for myriad successive generations, each time the neck being lengthened a bit. Question: Is the mutation for the myriad lengthenings the same, or is each mutation distinct? I don't know the answer. This is the most basic of questions; but it is not addressed by Darwin or Dawkins or in any book of the same genre as Dawkins'. I don't know about the textbooks
IQNA 3: Can imperceptibly small variants make a difference in fitness? Fitness, in the present context, means reproductive prowess or ability to pass one's genes to the next generations. We have seen that many variants (mutations) are quite large, anything but insensibly fine. But there may be cases where variants are insensibly fine. The question is whether such small changes can make a difference for the organism's fitness. The question here is not whether insensibly fine changes can accumulate to somerthing perceptible. It is whether such small change can increase fitness. I don't think this has been empirically demonstrated. And I think there are good reasons for believing this is not probable, if even possible. Consider the noise background consisting of all the changes simultaneously taking place. When writers like Dawkins talk about some selection pressure, such as drought or predation, they act as if no other selection pressures are operating at the same time. But that is the furthest thing from the truth. Finally, there is the intelligence of the organism that is going to overwhelm any effect of an insensibly fine variant. Weiner, in his account of the research of the Grants on Darwin's finches, tells of birds that wedge seeds into crevices and apply outside pressure when it becomes too hard to crack seed with the beak. Since the effect of intelligence is unlikely to correlate with some random variant, its likely large effect on fitness will drown out any effect from the variant, in this case, size of beak.
IQNA 4: What about the qualitative nature of variation? We have considered size variation, like the size of a beak. But what about qualitative variation? Birds uniquely have feathers and beaks; mammals, hair, mammary glands. There are qualitative differences within the individual organisms. The eye is not an ear, which is not a heart, which is not limb, and so on. There are innumerable qualitative differences in behavior. There are intraorgan differences that are qualitative. There are different parts of the eye. There are intratrait qualitative differences, such as differences in eye color, blood type, flower color, seed texture, melanin. Amazingly, Dawkins has written a tome about evolution without using the term allele. Let's talk about one qualitative variant, the angle the contour feather shaft on a bird makes with the surface of the body - call it the feather angle. There are easily infinitely many possibilities, since even one degree may be divided into infinitely many divisions. How fortunate for the bird that it mutated a feather angle that improved fitness. If the feather shaft stuck straight out from the body at a 90 degree angle, that would not have been useful as a contour feather that has to lie close to the body to give the body a sleek, aerodynamic form. By far, the greatest number of possible angles would not be useful to the organism. Yet just the right angle appeared. Or possibly the mutation that puts the tinniest feather or an incipient feather on a featherless creature occurred myriad times, improving the probability that in at least one case the angle would be beneficial. It is issues like this that should be carefully explicated by Dawkins, not seemingly hidden under the rug.
IQNA 5. In what way is variation random? Dawkins tells us that variation is random; yet it is obviously the case that variation is not random in important respects. Mutation repeats itself in nature and in the lab. How can this be random? Alleles are greatly limited in number and kind. If there are two possible alleles, one a beneficial one and the other not; in what meaningful way is variation random? Feathers do not grow on pigs, but only on birds. Obviously not random. It is so obviously the case that variation is constrained. How does this constraint come about? Dawkins will not acknowledge that there an issue here..The notion that random mutation, mutation that is not biased or constrained so that it is relevant and/or useful to the the individual's life situation can get the job done requires an act of faith incongruous in empirical science. Or is there magic in the world after all? That anything, however simple, could evolve if dependent on purely random variation, I don't think, is credible. Let's talk about eyes, all sorts of them. Why would an eyespot ever spontaneously spring into existence, say on a flatworm, as the result of a random event. And why would this be followed by the appearance of a nerve that attaches itself to the eyespot, and this a random event, too? This is more improbable than the appearance of the eyespot. And why on descendents of this flatworm, would there be the recessing of the tissue containing it into a pocket containing the eyespot? And why would the eyspot move till it is centered perfectly at the back of the pocket? And on and on and on. Do such things occur indiscriminately? For example, do eyespots spring up in guts or anuses or nostrils or on tails, etc.? Or are they reserved for eye-appropriate places, like the anterior surface of the organism? Can light-sensitivity, for example, appear anywhere on or in the organism, like in the gut, on the tail, in a nostril? If not,why not? But back to the main point, things do not spontaneously happen. Consider that life has originated one time in 4.6 billion years on this planet.
On the matter of characteristics spontaneously appearing, evolutionary biologists are quick to point out that nothing appears de novo, that everything originates from a precursor. Which explains why there are not feathers on pigs. This posture gets the biologist off the hook for explaining beginnings, something not easy to do. Darwin would not discuss beginnings, either of life or of an organ, like an eye.
No one, not Darwin, not Dawkins, would deny that variation is constrained by the nature of the organism in question. Which is why there are feathers only on birds. The big question is the nature of the constraint. So what is it about the peahen that causes it to be inflamed sexually by eyespots on the tail of the peacock, but not by squares, triangles, or crescent moons, which do not, in fact, embellish peacocks?
IQNA 6. What is the role of behavior, intelligence, and adaptability in Darwin's theory. Behavior is what the theory is really all about. Organs, like feathers, wings, eyes, limbs, enable organisms to behave, to hunt, to defend, to love, to enjoy, to reason etc. Yet hardly anything is said about behavior by Darwin. Dawkins says nothing. Darwin talks expressly about instinct, but instinct is a small part of behavior, especially in primates. But Darwin give a great many examples of intelligent, adaptable behavior in his making of various points. In fact, Darwin's examples of adaptability (flexibility, resourcefulness, etc.) make one wonder if adaptability won't preempt or make unnecessary natural selection. For if an organism can deal with any crisis (famine, predation, disease, etc.) by the use of its wits, why does it need to change physically. This last is a very old idea.
In conclusion, The greatest show on earth, does not help the cause of Darwinism.

Hi, I just wanted to write this because I was struggling badly with heart anxiety/cardiophobia. At the time it felt like there would never be a way out and I was going to die of a cardiac episode very soon.
I want to reassure the people struggling with this specific type of anxiety and show that there is light at the end of the tunnel. For me it all started last year after I experienced left arm numbness (due to panic attack but didn’t know at the time) and I called an ambulance because I was convinced that was it, I was dying. This was the start of a vicious cycle for me, from that day onwards I started getting daily palpitations & chest pain. I had visited the hospital emergency department(a&e) multiple times and even daily at one point. They did multiple tests and reassured me I was okay. It started to make me feel as though I was crying out for help no one was listening and I WAS going to die. They referred me to cardiology where they did an Echo& 48 hour holter. Both resulted came back remarkable NAD detected.
Of course this wasn’t enough for me, because I KNEW I was going to die and my heart wasn’t healthy (so I thought). It got to the point where I’d end up in the resuscitation part of the hospital because I’d panic so bad my heart went to 190bpm which was again confirmed as anxiety. I wasn’t living, I was solely waking up to worry I was going to die that day, everyday.
Early this year it got to the point I realised physically and mentally I cannot do it anymore. Checking my pulse everyday and worrying I’ll go into cardiac arrest suddenly wasn’t living at all. I read somewhere that doing things that make you anxious over and over makes you feel more comfortable and it becomes easier. So I started looking after myself more & trying to be more active… I’m not 100% heart anxiety free but I’m slowly getting there. Worrying 24/7 won’t prevent something happening to you, it’ll just ruin the life and happiness you currently have. That was a hard thing for me to learn and get over but it’s true. In order for me to be able to do things without worrying every second I had to realise this isn’t healthy and it won’t prevent a cardiac event if anything the lifestyle it caused would’ve probably made it more likely.
Do the things that scare you or create your anxiety, it’ll make you so happy to be able to say ‘I beat that and chose freedom’.
This doesn’t go to say if you are worried don’t get checked out, it’s better to be safe. But if you’re like me & you’ve had the tests and reassurance then this is probably the post for you.
If anyone is struggling with this I’m more then happy to chat:)

Money gives me anxiety. Even typing this post out gives me a stress response. I am an intelligent, competent women, yet when you start talking about numbers and economics and finances, it’s like my brain turns to static and I don’t retain what you’re saying. I’m not even bad at math, I just can’t wrap my head around money stuff. I grew up without money so I’m stressed when I don’t have any, but I’m also stressed when I have enough of it. I started a new job with a higher salary and we recently got a gift from my FIL that paid off some small debts we had. My FIL also gave us a small chunk of money to use towards down payment on a house. This should make me feel happy, but NO it means I have to make more financial decisions which provokes another stress response. I hate it. It’s a physical and mental reaction that feels involuntary. I’m working on it constantly.
My husband is good with numbers. He took an interest in investing and financial planning about 3 years ago and has spent a lot of time learning about how to save money and spend it appropriately, where to invest it, how to get passive income. Stuff like that. I try to ask questions to show I care about his interests and sometimes he tries to teach me what he’s learned, but it just goes in one ear and out the other. I still try very hard to engage with him about it. We dedicate one day a week where he’s “allowed” to talk to me about money and I really will make sure every Thursday to be ready to talk about finances with him (like going over our budget and just doing a check in about where payments are going, any big purchases coming up, etc). Any other day I will engage with him if it’s very important, but if it’s not I will remind him it’s not Thursday and I don’t want to talk about money that day. It’s not a strict “rule” and mostly said in jest, but the point is I’m trying to work on the money anxiety by forcing myself to confront it. We have monthly budget talks after pay day. He is so patient with me and walks me through the budget every single month even if nothing has changed from the month before. I ask him question after question and he answers them all. But my god, the whole time it’s like my brain and body are screaming to stop talking about it. It’s so confusing. It makes me feel weak and stupid and small because of just how much I don’t understand it all.
Despite his patience and my effort to engage with this source of anxiety, it very often sets me off. I’m not proud of it. My anxiety around it makes me irritable and argumentative. We get into arguments because I’m so on edge and our communication is poor in those heightened moments. I know he gets anxious too because he knows it’s a touchy subject for me. It’s not nice. We are often able to take a breather and come back to it at a later time. But the argument itself is not nice to be a part of.
He has offered to handle all the finances for us. He wants to put all of our money in a joint account and manage the goings and comings and savings and investings without my input. His point is that he’s already doing all the work of this anyway, but the stress that I experience by trying to be an equal player is making it a more difficult “job” for him. He says he likes doing this job and doesn’t like how it makes me feel and wants to take it off my shoulders for both of our sakes. He says everything would be in 1 account so it would all be transparent and I would have equal access to all the financial information and banking details and budget spreadsheet. I could ask him any questions I’d like and he would always answer them honestly.
This all sounds great, I think, except I was raised to never let a man control your money. And I trust my husband completely and believe he has my (our) best interest at heart. I don’t think he would ever fuck me over. And yet there are alarm bells ringing in my ears. The idea of relinquishing control over my hard earned money, my life, my security… it’s terrifying. On one hand, it would be so much easier to just let him take care of everything. On the other, I don’t want anyone to have control over me. We have been together nearly 6 years and he has only ever shown me signs of a healthy, equal relationship. Yet I’m filled with anxiety.
What would you do in my situation? I haven’t ever spoken to my friends or family about this because I find it embarrassing. And I find it very personal. I don’t want anyone to judge me for being so anxious, for considering giving up control, for making my husband’s life more difficult… so I just don’t talk about. But I would like to get someone else’s perspective. Maybe I’m missing something or maybe there is a middle ground? Or maybe I need to be told to get the hell over myself. I’m already in therapy, but have yet to broach this topic. I don’t know what to do.

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through in the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

It’s a big world filled with far off folks who have far off problems. In the quaint farming town of Hills Furrow that has certainly not been the case. Here life is simple, local, and paced by the seasons. There ain’t been a need for “Venturers” and their ilk since your Papaw was just a sprout. However, the winds of change are blowin, and things are about to git just a bit more exciting round these parts.
Welcome to Green Valley, The down-home home of Rural Fantasy Misadventures and Grass-Roots Shenanigans. The Valley is Filled with Colorful Characters, Brimming with Odd Ball Neighbors, and has more than a few Local Yokels. Welcome to Bumpkin Quest. These adventures are intended to be a series of silly adventures that all go awry in some way or another and stir up trouble throughout a peaceful little village that has in many ways been overlooked by the troubles of the world “outside”.
CHAPTER 1: Green Tide CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent CHAPTER 4: High Society
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners - Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 1-2 Hours - Tone: Rural Misadventures
I’ve also put these adventures into a PDF that includes our Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide which fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide as over a dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The people themselves are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services
The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye
The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NEW NPC: “Boss”
Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for...
Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken!
Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog
So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
:
Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

Chapter 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika
Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSING

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

Quest-line Closing

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
*Reward Them! * They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.

First: https://redd.it/11e34ce
Previous: https://redd.it/13q19ts
Chapter 31
It was a long while before Quin stirred. He knew it was well past the 14:00 mark when the crew would have re-boarded. He glanced down at his armband and saw 18:43. He was thirteen minutes late to the dinner hour. The weight of everything sitting heavy on his shoulders, he lethargically pushed himself out of bed and sat on the edge, his face in his hands. Falling forward onto his feet, he trudged over to the door and unlocked it. Out in the corridor, he found almost no one. A lone security officer made his way slowly around the corner as he was looking down at a tablet. He paid no mind to Quin and he slowly passed, heading to the cafeteria.
Maybe I can grab something to eat really quick before anyone recognizes I’m there, he hoped. They should all be busy eating, I could just slip in and out. He had no intention to speak to anyone. His armband and even the screen in his room were unusually silent, which didn’t bother him too much, given the way that he was feeling. He knew he would eventually have to face the crew, and especially Nova, back at work the next day. I technically should have been back already. There was mixture of fury, shame, and uncertainty brewing in his gut and he wanted to quash it before having to meet anyone. He breathed slowly, deeply, and leaned up against a wall. He let his head rest against the wall and felt the queasy feeling subside a bit. He sighed and pushed out a long exhale, leaving the wall.
He saw no one as he wound through the crew dormitories, arriving at the main hallway that connected the crew living space, the command deck, and the working spaces. Right on the edge of this junction, the main cafeteria’s double doors opened into a massive bay, with tables stretching far down the open space leading to the serving line and kitchens in back. Quin knew that back there, Bostwick had arranged to have coffee served continuously. He looked around and saw pockets of people eating and a larger crowd lounging around a group of tables. Quin saw Mae and Bostwick among the group and made to leave to avoid them, but Mae caught his eye and waved him over, preventing his escape.
Quin trudged over and sat down at the periphery of the group, He didn’t recognize a lot of the people sitting there, though he could remember a few being among Mae’s engineering section. He supposed the others were a good mix, some being security, judging by their builds and haircuts.
Mae leaned toward him a whispered, “As you can imagine, word has travelled fast.” This set Quin on edge. He in no way felt ready to confront his fellow crewmembers about what took place in that hangar. He shifted uncomfortably in his seat before he felt a hand on his upper arm. Mae was looking at him, meeting his eye as he silently pleaded to escape. Her firm clutch on his arm was remarkably comforting.
“It’s okay, Quin,” Mae whispered to him. “Nothing is going to happen. I’m here and so is Commander Bostwick. Stay, eat.” She slid him her tray where a good portion of her meal was untouched. He grabbed a rehydrated roll and tore off a bit. It was about all he could stomach. He chewed slowly and let his eyes trace the floor tiles between his feet. It allowed him to be ignored by the ongoing chatter while still paying attention to what was being said. A number of the crew were debating amongst themselves, some more loudly than others.
“Drake here thinks we can just go killing each other willy-nilly,” one crewmember said loudly. She gestured to an older, scruffy looking man in a white t-shirt and a stained apron reclining against the table, a hardened look about him. He was the head of the kitchen crew that Quin remembered from his first briefing.
“Shoulda killed ‘em while she had ‘em pinned,” Drake grunted. His accent was more British than anything, though it was course and not like some of the academy instructors’ more refined dialect.
“You can’t be serious, Drake. Killing another person? That’s so senseless,” Mae said.
“Goddamn thief, gotta lot less than ‘e deserved,” Drake scowled.
“Drake, we’re on a goddam humanitarian mission, for the love of…” Mae quipped, exasperated. “How can you be for killing this guy when we are trying to save all those people of Gaia?”
“It’s tha’ job, girlie,” Drake retorted. “You officer types got all these ideas. You know how much a support staff gets from this? Imma retire tha’ minute we get back.”
“Well, sure, there’s that,” Mae said, a little resigned. “But there’s also the humanist principle. Protecting and promoting human life.”
“Life is pointless, dearie. Th’ sooner you reconcile yerself with tha’, the sooner you will be comfortable with th’ fact tha’ nothing you do matters. Tha’ bloke is insignificant. An’ so are you,” Drake stated, punctuating his last sentence with a jab of the finger at Mae.
“Why are you being so cold?” Mae said, rather hurt.
“Cause life hurts, right Chief?” Drake sneered. He turned to Commander Bostwick with raised eyebrows. It was clear that Bostwick was now the only person that could say anything that would be heard by the entire group, Drake included. The familiarity of the remark seemed to indicate that Bostwick and Drake had been on missions before together.
“Actually, Drake, I don’t agree,” Louis said, seemingly waking out of a deep reverie.
“Really? You think this whol’ thing ain’t some crock of shit?” Drake asked incredulously.
“I have long ago come to terms with how small I am compared to the grand arch of the universe. You can’t be a space traveler and not see that. In my experience, it usually drives people to one of two extremes: they either become extremely religious in their search for belonging and purpose, or they become so nihilistic that caring goes the way of the common cold: extinct. I see that you tend towards the latter. Me?” Louis shrugged, offering, “I take a different approach. Yes, our existence has a sense of cosmic horror and pointlessness. We are not some Ancient Ones, consuming worlds and manipulating the very fabric of physical laws. We are subject to the universe’s ebbs and flows. So, what do we do? What can we do? We give our lives purpose; we give them meaning.”
“Yer just like ‘er,” Drake said, shaking his head and flapping his hands to wave him off. “Sentimental wishing that’ll save tha worl’.”
“Perhaps. Though I would say I’ve seen quite a few loved ones and colleagues senselessly killed: training accident mishaps, space travel cataclysms, incurable diseases, not to mention at the end of a gun.” Quin was frozen, though he was staring intently at the floor so as to not meet anyone’s gaze. He knew who Bostwick was talking about when listing those causes, and Quin felt his stomach churn violently when imagining himself being on that list.
“Their deaths affect everyone around them and funerals are for the living,” Bostwick continued. “You can’t see that and not be angry at the universe for what seems like random fatal chance. I know I have been at some points. So, I’ve come to look at it this way. In light of everything that could go wrong at any time, YOU, yourself, are responsible for giving your life meaning.”
“Philosophical bullshit,” Drake said, interrupting, and crossing his arms and leaning back against a cafeteria table.
“Shut the hell up, Drake,” Mae said testily, turning back to Louis.
“It’s okay, Mae, everyone is entitled to their opinion,” Louis said, smiling softly.
“Sure, but he keeps dismissing it without letting you explain it. What do you mean by ‘giving meaning’?”
“Hmm, well, look at it like this. Whatever you do in life, you are remembered by. Everyone interprets things too, so your meaning is the only thing that comes from you, intrinsically. Once you put it out there, it’s for others to deal with as they please. Especially in death. That’s why we gild our historical figures, we project our best wishes on them, despite what meaning they may have intended for their life. It is only in your own life and your own motivations that you are able to control your meaning, your purpose, so that is why you have to live your life as fully as possible.”
“Wow, that’s pretty heady,” Mae said, smiling a bit.
“Not really. Look at it like this. When the Europeans set out to conquer the American continents, they were after large amounts of gold. Gold, itself, has no real intrinsic purpose, until a person comes along and gives it a purpose or meaning by using it for something. So, the Europeans ascribed it tremendous value. The Native Americans living on those two continents, millions of people spread across thousands of miles of land and spanning cultures, languages, and beliefs, were subject to such cruelty and horror, through genocide and plague, all because the Europeans ascribed value to a particular resource. And the kicker is, these native groups held that resource in a different regard. Imagine an alien race coming along and saying that your…shoes,” Louis said, gesturing toward Mae’s feet, “were extremely valuable and were going to trade you for them. And you refused, so they killed you for them. Wouldn’t you think that their purpose for shoes is a little…off?”
Mae simply nodded. The rest of the cafeteria was silent.
“Sure. Humans are the only beings that we know of right now that can not only give purpose to things, but also to themselves. It’s why our species had religion for so long. People seek purpose. Now, I have no patience for such a system where my purpose is controlled by something else. Some people go their entire lives, repeating a mundane set of tasks within a relatively limited amount of space, and call that living. If that’s where they get their own purpose, then fine. But I’ve concluded that living a purpose-driven life means taking personal responsibility for one’s own actions and putting it at the service of others. I give myself purpose. That’s why I’m here. I’m fortunate that my life’s purpose is aligned with the humanitarian ideals present in our mission. Many people search a long time to find such a unity of purpose.”
“So yeh’ve got yer altruism an’ it keeps you warm an’ fed at nigh’,” Drake said sarcastically.
“I’ve got my bread and my cot, so I’m taken care of. I’m speaking about a higher search for meaning. I believe to my core that such a mission is purposeful, because I am dedicating my existence to others. I’ve come to accept my fate. If I die—and I shall because all of us are only temporary passengers on this journey—then my life’s meaning is crystal clear,” Louis finished, sitting back in his chair, taking a sip of coffee, and glancing over at Quin, who was busy tracing a panel of floor tiling with his eyes and trying to soak in everything Louis said. “And if it needs to be stated for the record, I’m also opposed to killing anyone onboard this ship, or off it for that matter, no matter what crime they are believed to have committed.”
Drake stood up, staring at Louis, and wiped his nose on his sleeve. He opened his mouth as if he was about to say something, but instead just shook his head and wagged his finger and stomped off to the kitchen.
Quin stood up too and skulked off out the main cafeteria doors. Louis jumped up and chased after him, leaving the rest of the room sitting quietly.
“Quin! QUIN! Will you just stop and talk to me?!” Louis said part-way down the hall, grabbing Quin’s arm and turning it. Quin’s eyes were burning as he was trying hard to hold in his guilt.
“Okay, come on,” Louis said, guiding him down the hallway.
They walked a full quarter length of the massive ship, Louis guiding him through the twists and turns of the labyrinth that was the Nemo. They passed through the portal leading to officer quarters and arrived at Louis’s chamber. The walls closed in around Quin as he and Louis crammed themselves into the room. Louis sat Quin down on the bed and took the desk chair.
“You need to cool down,” Louis said. “I know it’s not your fault. You have this really annoying, yet really endearing habit of carrying the weight of the cosmos on your shoulders. Even Atlas himself asked for a break. No one is dead.”
“Yeah, but it could have gone a lot worse. And I had no way of controlling it, yet I’m still responsible for it, Louis,” Quin half-shouted, launching himself up and pacing the small room. Bostwick’s eyes followed him back and forth. “I can’t face Captain Fuentes, or the other crew, let alone Nova. I don’t know what to say to her. Aside from that I almost got someone killed.”
“Like I said, Quin,” Louis said, smiling softly, his piercing grey eyes suddenly warm, “leave it to others to gab about the situation and suppose everything. You, yourself, are the only person who knows what is in your heart. But, my friend, I think I can guess what’s in there.”
Quin’s his chest was tight as he was burning up with humiliation and rage.
“You know what I do when I need to calm down?” Louis asked.
“What’s…that…” Quin said between slow breaths to calm himself, the tightness in his chest refusing to abate.
“You ever heard of Hendrix?”
“No, what’s that?”
“You mean, who’s that,” Louis said, hopping up. “Take a deep breath, lean back, and rest your head. Let the music wash over you.”
Quin laid his head back against the wall next to the bed and got comfortable.
“Now, center yourself. Take a deep breath,” Bostwick said softly as he scrolled through a menu on his tablet in the wall. He pressed play on his tablet, and the first twangy guitar strums filled the room, like a heartbeat, pulsing the air through Quin’s chest.
Quin let his eyes go unfocused and closed them as the lyrics began emanating from the nothingness around him. “After all the jacks are in their boxes…” the cool edge of the singer’s voice and the slow, driving grit of the guitar took over him, and he drifted off to sleep. The Nemo cruised on into the black, and it was as if Jimi and space fused as one, his music making the nothingness swell with soul. “And the wind…cries…Mary.”

Clementine walks outside of the dormitory with AJ. The sun is bright and warm making the air all fresh and new from the thunderstorm last night. Some minor damage was done to the east side of the wall, but nothing threatening that will endanger everyone. The grass was still wet from the rain, and so were the picnic tables. Clementine hobbles away with AJ by her side as they make their way to the watchtower. Willy and Aasim are scheduled to go out and hunt early in the afternoon, and Ruby and Violet should be in the greenhouse today gathering herbs and tending to the garden. Louis will be out later in the afternoon checking the traps for game along with Tenn.
AJ walks with Clementine as they pass Omar's black caldron to cook their meals. AJ cast a look up at his mother figure as she is wearing an unusual smile on her face this morning. AJ looks down at the ground to ponder on it for a moment. Clem's hat blocks out most of the sun from his eyes. He finally spoke to her as they made their way to the watchtower, "Why are you smiling so big?"
Clementine shook her head to clear it from her thoughts with Louis from last night, "Huh, what?"
"You are smiling a different kind of smile today," AJ commented being observant of her.
"I am?" Clementine asks with one of her eyebrows arching a little.
"Yeah, like you are glowing or something. What made you so happy last night? Did Louis and you have some sissy gross love talk?" AJ asks.
Clementine looks down at him as they approach the ladder to the watchtower to climb up on. "Yes, we did." Clementine casts her look away not wanting to admit to her surrogate son her first sexual experience.
"That can't be, because you never have that look when you guys talk of kissing love. And kiss and stuff, so what exactly happened between you and Louis that made you...this happy?" AJ looks up at her one more time.
Clementine sighs as she shakes her head, "AJ...."
"I am curious, is all? I have never seen you this happy, even when you guys do gross love things together." AJ said.
"Some things you don't need to know kiddo. At least not right now. When you get a bit older, I will tell you. But you are still my little goofball, and I want to keep it that way for as long as I can, even if you are growing up too fast for me." Clementine said as she reaches out to rub AJ's head and her old hat. Making it go lop-sided on AJ's head.
AJ straightens out her hat on his head as he pouts up at her, "It is AJ or Alvin Jr, not goofball. How many times do I have to tell you that."
"Sorry bud, old habits, and I still like that nickname." Clementine teases him.
AJ gave her a swat back as Clementine balanced on her prosthetic foot, "Well I don't. It makes me feel like I am three again and a baby, which I am not." AJ crosses his arms over his chest and looks away from Clementine.
"Okay, I will try not to use it, alright, kiddo." Clementine sighs, and AJ turns to smile back at her. She then puts on her motherly leadership tone now, "Okay, time to do look-out duties. You go up first." Clementine said as she let AJ climb up first. Once Clementine makes the climb up she let AJ use the binoculars to see as she scans the horizon with her eyes on danger. She tries not to think of about her time with Louis and focuses on looking out for danger, but the thought keeps coming back in her head. Is Louis right? Do I have a glow on my face from what happened last night? Do women glow after they have sex? Do men do as well? And if AJ sees it do the other kids know about it as well? Am I really that obvious to everyone? She tries to hide it, but her heart and happiness will not hide away. Clementine shakes her head to clear it as she focuses in on the threats outside the walls of her home.
.....................................
Louis finished picking up the rest of their fort and gathered his cards up. Smiling as he thought about his and Clementine's passionate night last night. She made him the happiest guy on earth. Once Clem's room is all packed away, he slowly puts on his green shirt and never notices the hickeys Clem left on his neck.
When Louis closes the door to his and Clem's room, he feels a little dizzy, and light-headed all of a sudden and a sharp pain at his gut. Louis leans on the door for support. The pain was a sharp burn, like a bad cramp or something. He never noticed Aasim was just coming out of his room and looked at Louis kind of funny.
"You okay, dude?" Aasim asks.
Louis took a moment then shook his head as the pain was dull but not as severe. "Yeah...must be something I did last night." Louis slowly spoke.
"Uh huh, and that moaning in your and Clem's room had nothing to do with it?" Aasim arches his eyebrows and crosses his arms.
Louis flush in the face now, as Aasim heard his first sexual encounter with a girl, "We...uh...practicing her combat skills." Louis cast to the floor as Aasim is not buying his act.
Aasim chuckles to his friend and looks to Louis, "Look. Lou, I am no idiot. I know you and Clem did it last night. It was obvious by the soft moans from the two of you as I passed your room to go to bed. I won't tell anyone." Aasim looks at him. "You have my word, bro."
Louis looks down, then back up at Aasim, and has a new appreciation for his old friend and for keeping to the guy code. He still held his hand on the side of his body, and Aasim took notice. "Are you sure you are okay Lou, I can go get Ruby?" Aasim asks.
"Yeah, I am fine, and no need to get your girlfriend involved. It is probably hunger pains." Louis half joked as he never experiences this deep pain. Or maybe this is after sex pain.
"Okay, suit yourself. I have to find Willy. He and I have hunting duty, and you Lou, need to rest the traps. It is your turn today, besides fixing up the wall from the storm last night." Aasim said.
"Will do, after I eat something," Louis said as he leaned his back on Clem's dorm room door.
Aasim started to move and kept his eye on Louis as something was not right or not good with him, and he was a bit concerned. Louis took deep breaths as the pain slowly subsided, and he slowly began to move to go outside.
Louis sees Aasim getting his food and taking it over to where Ruby is as they are being all cutesy with each other. He smiles at his friend's romance, and then Louis's eyes fall on Clementine and AJ up in the watch tower. He sighs a happy smile at seeing his girlfriend as she still has that glow upon her face that she and he did last night. And strangely, Louis, too has a glow on his face. He shakes his head as he grabs food and starts to eat it, hoping whatever pain he felt was just hunger pains.
Then he spots Violet coming in from the graveyard, of all places. He has seen her near there a lot, and it is not like her to see her ex-girlfriend's grave marker and act so damn happy when he knows for a fact Minnie ruined Violet back on the beach after the Delta boat blew up. He watches as Violet heads directly to her room, and he lets out a sigh. Once Violet is seen to go to the dorms, Louis looks out over at the wall of the school and the traps as they can wait to be fixed, as Louis wants to find out where Violet has been sneaking off to in the dead of night and coming back in at dawn, or mid-morning. Louis finishes his stew and puts it where the rest of the dishes are and heads to Violet's room, room 202.
...................................
Maya made it back to her tent without anyone noticing her absence. She sees Aniya is still asleep in her bed on her side of the tent, while Maya crawls into bed and smiles with her heart feeling like it has wings. There is no doubt now on Maya's face that she is in love with Violet. Maya only got a half hour of rest when she felt Aniya waking her up, "Maya, Maya...wake up. Bonnie wants us to go hunting again."
Maya groans a little and squints her eyes, "Okay.." Maya slowly gets up, and Aniya looks at her older sister with concern.
"You sure you are up for it? You look exhausted." Aniya said.
"I will be fine." Maya yawns.
Aniya looked at the door and then back at her sister, "You were with Violet all night, weren't you?"
Maya looked down at her feet then her brown eyes met her sisters. "Yes."
"Maya.." Aniya shakes her head.
"Before you say anything, I told her how I felt about her." Maya sighs, "I love her,"
Aniya looks at her, "Maya, I am glad, even happy for you. You found love in this world. But you know this is going to get very complicated. People will start to get subspinous about your disappearing to go meet her. Bonnie will soon pick up your weird behavior and start to question your loyalty. I don't want to see you getting kicked from the group. I need my sister."
Maya understands her little sister's worry as Maya bows her head and puts her hands over them, and lets out a heavy sigh. For the first time, she admits it out loud to her little sister, "I am so torn, Aniya. Sometimes I wished I never met her or those group of kids that fateful day."
Aniya reaches out to her sister and lightly touches her shoulder, "Why?"
Maya pulls her head up and moves her hands to the side of her body. "Because this way, I wouldn't put my heart through this hell I am feeling. It is getting very damn difficult to leave her to come back to this group. You are the only thing that keeps me here, you and Robert." Maya sighs and softly mourns, "Please don't hate me for saying that. I love you, and you are the only kin I have left in this world, and I vowed to Mom and Dad I will take care of you, and know I will never leave you."
Aniya nods and holds her sister tight, "I know. And I don't hate you, Maya, for having those thoughts. But to tell you the truth. As much as I sometimes come off as being jealous, your love for this girl is not a mistake, and don't ever think that was. Seeing you deeply in love with Violet actually gives me hope for a future in this bleak dark world. In some ways brings back memories of when Mom and Dad were alive. And if you feel your home is with Violet and her group, I will go where you go, sis. Family sticks together." Aniya reminded her.
Aniya coughs and nods to the doorway, "Alright, come on, we got hunting to do before Bonnie gets suspicious. Do what you can, sis, and I will try and think of something of an excuse for why you are exhausted."
Maya shakes her head, "I appreciate the loyalty Aniya, but I don't want you to lie for me. I will devise my tale and not let you get involved. Bonnie will know something is up if you do that. Come on."
Maya, Aniya, and Bonnie head out on the beach scouting for food. Maya braces the cold wind as it blows on her fingers, making it difficult to hunt with the bow. They walked what felt like miles, and Maya spotted what looked like a deer. She blinked several times, and it was a deer. Maya gets in a low crouch and begins to stalk it. Maya drew her bow and an arrow from her quiver. She knows when hunting deer out west, she needs to be quick with her motions. Maya drew the arrow back of the string of the bow until it was taunt. Before Maya could strike at the deer, the deer turned and looked at her.
Maya gazes at the deer as it doesn't run or flee, and soon Maya's heart stops and knows this is not just a deer. It is a spirit. Maya lowered the bow and withdrew her arrow from the string.
Aniya looks at her sister as Bonnie catches a wild turkey and a few rabbits. She sees her sister staring at something invisible that only she can see. Bonnie looks to Aniya, "What is Maya doing?"
"I'm not sure," Aniya said as she tried to read her sister's actions.
Maya stares long and hard at this deer and soon feels a sharp pain in her forehead. The pain was so much it caused Maya to fall to her knees and hold her head. Then Maya blacks out and is about to get a vision of what happened to Clementine, Louis, and Violet that day on the beach when the Delta boat blew up
"Maya!" Aniya screams out and runs to her sister, and the same with Bonnie.
"What is wrong with her, Aniya?" Bonnie drops the kills she made and kneels to Aniya, holding her sister, who is unconscious.
Aniya answers, "She is having one of her vision things. She gets like this sometimes when a spirit or something contacts her."
Bonnie looks at her oddly, "This is ridiculous. We need to get back." Bonnie goes and reaches for Maya, and Aniya batted her hand away.
"No, don't...don't touch her when she is like this. You might not believe this kind of thing, Bonnie, but my sister is next chosen to be my tribe, Sherman. Shermans have special gifts of having visions of the past and foreseeing things. My grandmother had this gift, and it is passed to my sister." Aniya explains.
"So what do we do, wait until she regains conscious?" Bonnie asks, looking at Aniya holding her older sister.
"Yes," Aniya said.
"Who knows how long that could take? I don't want to—" Bonnie's words were cut short when both she and Aniya heard groans of walkers, about eight or nine of them. "Shit.."
Aniya stood up and looked at Bonnie, and Bonnie looked at her, "Well, we don't have time for your sister to come to now unless she wants to be walker food. You get our kill, and I will carry your sister to a better location where we are not easy targets. Keep those fuckers off of us." Bonnie picks up Maya and carries her in her arms as Aniya keeps the walkers off their tails Bonnie leads them to a cave to keep them hidden from the walkers.
.........................................
Maya wakes up on the sandy beach. The pain in her forehead eased up some as she heard gunfire. Maya looks and sees Clementine, the little boy named AJ, and Louis Aasim, a boy Maya has never met or seen before.
She hears a horse crying as the boy Aasim waves to some other kids Maya again has never seen before. Maya counted the seven kids and counted Violet, these must be Violet's other members of the group. Then out of nowhere, Maya sees the love of her life as she pleads to a girl Maya has never seen or heard of before.
"Minerva, why are you choosing to be with them? I still love you despite killing Sophie! Your home is with Ericson, not the fucking Delta! I know you remember!" Violet screams.
Minerva looks to Violet. She lets out a scream of confusion. When she sees Clementine shooting a member of her family, Minerva's eyes goes cold and turns from Violet. Violet kept screaming out her name, but she didn't know she was there. "Minerva!"
Violet knew from that moment her precious Minnie was lost to her. Violet watches in horror as Louis, Aasim, and Omar flee to safety. Minerva was going to kill or do harm to someone she cared about.
Minerva points her gun, and Violet sees what Minerva will do. Violet runs to stop Minerva, and the two of them battle and fight with each other until Violet gets slashed by Minerva's knife. Violet's felt the sting of her shoulder where Minerva sliced her. And the look in her eyes just then it is like she didn't care if she hurt Violet.
Violet, in tears now feeling betrayed by the love of her life, watches as Minerva, blindly in rage, advances onward toward Clementine. Violet slowly reaches for Minerva's crossbow and, with shaking hands, aims at her former lover and lets out her tears, knowing Minerva is no longer in love with her and the Minnie she once found love and joy in died the day she entered the Delta. Violet pulls the trigger and shoots Minerva in the shoulder when she tries to aim at her head. Minerva lets out a shriek of pain as she eyes Violet as the ultimate butyral of her former lover. Violet made her choice that day and was going to kill Minerva for the love of her friends.
Minerva yells at Violet, "Fuck you and everything we had." Minerva was unaware of a walker coming and biting her in the face. Louis puts his arms around Violet to protect her. Clementine looks to AJ and is about to follow after their friends when she hears Minerva screaming, "Clementine! FUCK YOU!" and lobs a grenade at Clementine and AJ, causing the separation of Clem and AJ from the rest of the Ericson group.
Maya's heart broke for Violet seeing how much Violet loved Minerva. And Maya stands on the sandy ash beach, watching the event unfold. Maya crashes to the sandy ground and holds her arms, "Oh, Vi...I...I am so sorry..." Maya sobs, and her heart aches for her lover. Maya soon looks up and wipes her eyes, and Maya looks and sees the deer she saw in the woods when hunting with her sister, and Bonnie now appears in the woods of her vision. Maya wipes her tears and realizes this is not just any deer.
Maya slowly stands up and eyes the spirit animal, "Why are you showing this to me? Why am I reliving Violet's past? Who are you, and what do you want? Tell me who you are?"
The deer looks at her and then toward where the horse carries Violet away. Then looks back at her. Maya gazes at the deer and soon hears rumbles. Maya turns and sees a storm making landfall on the river as a stiff wind blows sand in Maya's eyes. Maya sees flashes of bright lights, and soon, the sandy beach around her is filled with blood, and the sky is red. Maya looks back at the deer who stands in the shadows of the woods. Maya realizes this is a warning. The blood, the red sky, and the rumbles of a storm. The red sky means death is coming. No..oh dear God, no! Maya looks at the deer with sad eyes, "Don't fucking tell me I am going to lose the love of my life! Or my sister, Aniya."
The spirit never answers her and Maya soon felt the pain in her forehead as she holds her forehead until the blinding pain stops. And Maya is back to her reality.

My bf suffers from depression. We had a wonderful long term relationship before he started having personal and financial issues. Then he started acting weird around me, he would avoid hanging out or being physical with me. He did expressed his feelings to me, he said he felt like he was in a dark hole, that he felt empty inside and I told him I would be there for him no matter what, he said he didn't want to bring me/our relationship down with him, that I didn't deserve that, and our relationship didn't deserve that either because he was aware that he was not doing things right. I kept being there for him but the rejection kept breaking my heart. He would only act "normal" when he was drinking and it was weird because he would treat me right and then he would ignore me again.
He could act normal around his friends and other people but me. Until one day he told me he couldn't handle it anymore and he asked me for time and space for him to sort his stuff out, it was very sad for me because we had never been apart for more than 2 weeks, but I do want him to get better. Now it's weird, somehow I feel like he hates me. It's been two months and I have just texted him to check in once every 2 weeks to ask how he's doing and he's always very cold like he has no intention of starting a conversation or seeing me, I guess he is just not ready yet. I miss him and love him so much and I understand this break is for the best so the relationship doesn't get damaged.
I just wonder if he misses me or thinks about me the same way I do. Has anybody been in a similar situation? Did you miss the person you pushed away or think about them? Why is it hard for them to talk or see the person they pushed away?

Guys I'm going crazy here. My hair rejects all attempts to become easily brushable. I would LOVE to be able to wear it down ever but it tangles so quickly that it's impossible.
My hair: * Baby fine (like microscopic) individual hairs * Straight, very soft hair that could be "silky" on a good day * Very thick hair (my braid is ~2.5 inches wide) * Knee-length * Super low porosity * Tangles if you breathe on it, very hard to brush always, even right after just brushing. * Zero volume on the top, but very fluffy on the bottom * Dark blond, never been dyed
My routine: * Wash once a week * No sulfates, silicones, etc etc * Clarifying shampoo (Curiosly Clarifying, Giovanni 50-50, Hair Food Coconut Chai) * Conditioner (Giovanni 50-50 or Hair Food Coconut Chai are best so far) * Leave-in (tried Garnier oat milk, Raw Sugar kids, Giovanni Leave-in, OGX argan oil, kinky curly knot today...) * Air dry * Brush with wooden wide-toothed comb ONLY when dry. My hair is incapable of being brushed while wet, it just tangles and snaps. Even with conditioner and detangler. * Hair dance dry shampoo powder maybe once or twice a week if my roots get greasy (LOVE this stuff) * Weirdly sometimes I put in LA Looks blue gel to keep my braid from frizzing and this ends up making my hair easier to brush later?
All of the detangleleave-in products I've listed seem to make my hair MORE tangly than without. It's almost like I've put in hairspray and brushing my hair becomes tough. I literally cannot run my hands through my hair at all without snagging. Ever.
I've tried applying wet, damp, dry. Argan oil was the worst because the oil stays on top of my hair and never sinks in so if I touch my hair my hands get oily. And somehow despite the oil, my hair ends up somewhat dry and staticky?
HELP. I just want my hair to be slippery as an eel so I can finally just brush it and wear it down without tangling.

LoyalBe is a cashback app just like Airtime Rewards and Cheddar. It offers cashback on your debit card spending (not credit cards). You link your bank card or credit card, and you get points in the app when you spend at one of the approved retailers.
Upon joining, they give you £1 to start with.
Other similar cashback apps include Airtime Rewards, Cheddar (check out the sign up offers for these on the sub)
I've joined all of these because they all partner with different shops.
Where can you earn cashback?
There's a load of shops, but here's the big ones

• Domino's (2%)
• Greggs (1% back)
• JD Sports (2.5%)
• New Look (2.5%)
• Odeon (1% back)
• Schuh (1.5%)
• Starbucks (2.5% back)
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• Waterstones (2%)

How can I earn more cashback?
Refer your friends and get a £1 bonus for each one that signs up.
Also sign up to the similar apps:

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How can I spend LoyalBe points??
The reward/cashback is paid in points (1-3% cashback equivalent) that you can redeem for various gift cards from £5 (they have Argos, Primark, M&S, Tesco, and a load more). It might take forever to get there though.
LoyalBe £1 bonus referral link --- no referral, no £1 bonus